The Journey Back To Me Part 1

2020 was a devastating year for many of us due to COVID-19. For me, the coronavirus felt like the final nail in the coffin after several years of suffering. It all started with a house fire where we nearly loss everything. A couple of weeks later I was laid off from my job of three years at Saks Fifth Avenue. At the age of 28, my family and I found ourselves starting over in a new state over 500 miles from home. The irony is that my job was based in my home state of Mississippi and I worked from home.

5 weeks, three hotels, and countless tears later we settled in Austin, TX. It was a huge change from the military community near Fort Hood we moved from. We experienced yet another life changing event, our fur baby Haze passed away unexpectedly not even 18 months later, and not too long after that both of our vehicles were totaled only six months apart. The accident caused me terrible neck/back pain. My anxiety was at an all time high. I found myself struggling to complete my usual tasks... going to the grocery store started to feel almost impossible. I was pulling my hair from the roots and barely making it through my shifts at work however I presented myself in the best light to others hiding how deeply my heart was hurting.

I was spiraling downwards and no one seemed to notice. By this time I had been functioning in depression so long I was near a nervous breakdown. I decided to take a leave of absence from work to focus on my mental health. I took 8 months to find myself again because I was heading towards a nervous breakdown. I've always had Generalized Anxiety. I never wanted to take medication due to the huge stigma surrounding mental health but I knew music therapy was no longer working. With support of my husband and tribe, I went to therapy, took anxiety medication as well as mood stabilizers and allowed myself time to rest. I was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Acute Stress Reaction. I started journaling and really looking inward. 

It was time to take Action. I entrusted a life coach to guide me during this vulnerable time. It was completely life changing. I began my healing journey and knew I wanted to share the tools I learned with others. In the process of me becoming a certified health and life coach, I noticed I was having more trouble sleeping and the stomach issues I had been experiencing prior to the major depression episode seem to have gotten worse.

I went to countless doctors and tried several different medications without being properly diagnosed. I got Tinnitus as one of the side effects so now I live with a contact ringing in both ears. The doctors could not figure out why I was feeling so sick every day. One doctor even tried to gaslight me into believing it was just my anxiety. It took Two Colonoscopies, Two Endoscopies, a Gastro Emptying Test, and a SIBO Breath Test to finally get the mystery diagnosis I had been waiting nearly 5 years to receive: Gastroparesis. Along the way, I was also diagnosed with IBS, GERD, and Insomnia. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention I found out I have scoliosis and spondylosis when I started my treatments with the chiropractor after the car accident.

I left the appointment relieved to finally have answers and an appointment in place to see a dietian but also defeated and sad because I knew life would never be the same…

-Ri'kee 

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